What's The Story?

My life was empty. Full of void. I knew something was missing, that something just wasn’t right. My heart had a huge empty abyss that only seemed to get larger. I fully believed that in order to attain happiness and to fill this gigantic gaping hole, that I should fill it with things that I thought I needed. So thus began my journey. My journey to feel satisfied and complete.

I began this journey by filling that empty void with alcohol, a relationship and material things. The more I filled, the more empty I felt. Nothing ever seemed to make me happy or seemed to satisfy. I resorted to abusing myself. I cut, to relieve the hurt, the emotions and the emptiness. I had called myself a Christian, without ever knowing what that really looked like. It was just a title. 

One night, after a day of partying, fighting with my family and the breaking up of a relationship, I was hurt. So I resorted to the thing that always made me feel better. Cutting. As I began, I felt twisted. I knew that this was not helping, but only hurting and bringing pain. As I sat there broken and confused, I began to pray. I asked God if he existed, there was no response. I asked him to reveal himself to me, there was nothing. I sat there defeated. I had finally given up. I felt that I had tried everything, but nothing seemed to work. Nothing satisfied me or gave me happiness. 

I sought everything, but the one who created everything.

This is when I actually felt something, something I’ve never been able to describe. Happiness. Joy. Surrender. Completeness. The feelings were indescribable, like a massive mix of emotions suddenly invaded my heart and truly changed me. I finally felt complete and the empty hole that always haunted me, was full. I knew instantly that I was loved, by the creator of the universe. I was given grace, although I was so undeserving. I am forever changed, not by a decision, or praying a prayer but because Jesus pursued me. God gave me a new heart. I have joy like never before and I can say that I am truly and completely happy.